Dear husband is sick today. You women know what that means…Man Cold*, a terrible disease that causes hunching, moaning and regression to childhood. There is a wives’ tale that the Man Cold is no more serious than the common cold which strikes females. This is untrue. Women are expected and able to continue with their daily chores, jobs and responsibilities. A Man Cold, however, is completely debilitating and should not be confused with the common cold.

It’s serious but can be cured by strictly following these rules.

1) Do NOT get out of bed. The only exception is if there is not a TV near the bed. In this emergency, relocate to the sofa or a reclinder.
2) Have immediate and complete control of the TV remote. If the remote is lost, immediately contact your next of kin to retrieve the remote.
3) If you must get out of bed, always walk slowly and with a hunched back. Standing upright will only confuse others as to how sick you really are.
4) Moan often. Moaning is required so that no one forgets you have a serious disease, the Man Cold.
5) Talk in a whining voice so as not to further strain your vocal cords while they are adjusting to the severity of your Man Cold.

If you follow these strict guidelines, the patient should recover in approximately 7 days. To determine the severity of the Man Cold, order a Meat Lover’s Pizza. If the patient eats less than 3 pieces, contact 911 immediately.