Man Cold
Dear husband is sick today. You wives know what that means…Man Cold*, a terrible disease that causes hunching, moaning and regression to childhood. There is a wives’ tale that the Man Cold is no more serious than the common cold which strikes females. This is untrue. Women are expected and able to continue with their daily chores, jobs and responsibilities. A Man Cold, however, is completely debilitating and should not be confused with the common cold.
It’s serious but can be cured by strictly following these rules.
1) Do NOT get out of bed. The only exception is if there is not a TV near the bed. In this emergency, relocate to the sofa or a reclinder.
2) Have immediate and complete control of the TV remote. If the remote is lost, immediately contact your next of kin to retrieve the remote.
3) If you must get out of bed, always walk slowly and with a hunched back. Standing upright will only confuse others as to how sick you really are.
4) Moan often. Moaning is required so that no one forgets you have a serious disease, the Man Cold.
5) Talk in a whining voice so as not to further strain your vocal cords while they are adjusting to the severity of your Man Cold.
If you follow these strict guidelines, the patient should recover in approximately 7 days. To determine the severity of the Man Cold, order a Meat Lover’s Pizza. If the patient eats less than 3 pieces, contact 911 immediately.
(4 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
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Francie on March 2nd, 2008 | File Under What can I say? It just amuses me., stuff | -
March 2nd, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Oh my Gosh! This is so true and I love the way you put it! My mom and I were just talking about this too. LOVE IT!
March 3rd, 2008 at 6:20 am
Thanks, Allison. So kind of you to….oops, gotta run. The “sick bell” is ringing.
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:34 pm
wait a minute, i get this cold too!
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Oh yes…I was confused. I know it by it’s full medical name: Girlie Man Cold. I’m sorry your husband is sick. Maybe your next post will be chicken soup?
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Oh, Christine, you funny girl, you. Did you see the link to YouTube? I had to put it in the post because of IE 6 formatting problems. Run, don’t walk, to see this video: http://youtube.com/watch?v=rXLHWmjA5IE
March 3rd, 2008 at 5:53 pm
LOL!! Your blog is priceless! And every woman in the world can identify with this post! Bravo!
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Wow, thanks. Now someone besides my kid is reading my blog. I’m so proud.
March 4th, 2008 at 7:21 am
That was incredibly funny. We were all sick here but of course I was last. My DH actually told me to make sure that I rested and that all the things I had to do would still be there when I got up???!!! That was helpful huh?
March 4th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
That was very helpful. Just think if he’d done your chores while you were sick, what would have you to look forward to?
March 4th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
oh this is too funny!
March 5th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Hey, I discovered your blog through Great Cooks blogroll, and I just sent a mail to join myself. Waiting for the confirmation…
This post cracked me up! I was just talking about this with a friend who’s an administrative assistant whose boss recently had a bad case of the Man Cold. He had to stay home for a week, whereas she had come to work with THE SAME COLD the week before
March 5th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Hopie,
Unfortunately, the medical community has not found a reason why it seems to strike husbands and male bosses in such large numbers. Hopefully, with research, a cure will be found and bosses everywhere will get to come in to work again.
March 19th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
LOL
savanna
March 19th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Yes, it’s true. Even my husband admits he gets “Man Cold.”
April 12th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
OMG…I totally hear you…the only man in my life, however, that does not suffer from “Man Cold” is my beloved health-nut boyfriend, who swears by at least three kinds of juice:
1)orange,
2)blueberry-pomegranate(he has me SO hooked on this Juice of the Gods–praise heaven for the Persephone-Demeter story!)
3)grapefruit (I will only drink it if mixed with other juices. Otherwise…blecch!)
Plus, he is near OCD about washing his hands, and is relatively Monkish about cleaning his bathroom. So does my honey get so much as a hiccup? Heck, no. However, as my dearly beloved still lives with his folks, he drinks tons of extra juice just because he has to put up with his mom’s ciggy smoke.
So no one can tell me that secondhand smoke doesn’t lower OTHER people’s immune systems.
Exercise always helps, too, of course. ;-D
June 6th, 2008 (5 weeks ago) at 1:36 pm
My boyfriend does that too…xP I find it adorable and love playing Mommy for him, I look at it as training for the future. xD