Yes, this is an ACTUAL child costume available
in sizes starting at Ages 6-8!

1)  Britney Spears, Bratz and Sexy School Girl costumes

Call me crazy but I don’t think little girls should dress like Playboy bunnies.  Apparently, many parents (and any pedophiles who may be wandering the neighborhood) disagree with me.  Maybe next year, I’ll just hand out safety pins and the missing pieces of fabric.

2) Adults who use an infant to trick or treat

To the adult who held their month old baby up to me, said “Trick or Treat” and then asked if I had any Reese’s Cups and proceeded to take a handful, I’m sure you know that you would get decked if people weren’t afraid you would drop your candy mooching machine…er, I mean, baby.

3) Adults who pull in front of our house, drop off a van load full of little kids and then drive off

Talk about scaring me on Halloween.  I’ll not even go into the safety issue here.  Dear parents, I hate to interrupt your private time, but our street wide babysitting service is officially closed.

4) Adults who instruct their child to grab more candy when I’ve just said, “One piece, please.”

We all know who the extra candy is for.  Especially when you get specific about which flavors to grab.  Forgive my sarcastic “You’re welcome” as you stomp on our flowers as y’all leave.

5) Adults who escort their toddlers while wearing gory, horrific costumes.

Ooooh, Mr. Big Man.  Since you were laughing,  you obviously think it’s hilarious to scar little kids for life as they scream and cry in terror, but it’s only fun for you, you smoldering pile of virility.  Please find some way to prove your manhood other than traumatizing toddlers.

6) And lastly, to the elderly cashier at Wal-Mart who angrily complained to me that she #%@!%# had to work on Halloween.

And good morning to you too!  A)  I’m not sure what pretend world you live in where employees get the day off on Halloween, but I want to live there.  B) The local anger management center is always open on Halloween.  You should give them a call.   C) As someone who very much reminded me of my 80 year old grandmother, you might have picked a more decorous costume than Leather Rocker Chick with Chaps. I don’t know when I will get that image burned out of my brain.

Do I sound bitter?  Do I sound angry?  Do I sound like an old crotchety woman complaining and rambling about everything that crosses my mind?  Actually, yes, I do.  That is all.

Let me count the ways I love this recipe.

1. It’s like eating a cookie for breakfast.  Don’t tell Mom.
2. You can prep it the night before and pop it in the oven while the kids are getting dressed.
3. Leftovers are yummy warmed up in the microwave.  In fact, I often double this and have a warm, filling, healthy breakfast in the bag for the whole week!

Ready to rock your breakfast world?

You’ll get 9 servings out of this so don’t freak out about the butter.

Now if you don’t think that looks like a great way to start a fall day, I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve ever really known you.

It’s a bit hard to see. This is bulghur mixed with tomato paste in a red bowl.

Now, we’ll start putting it all together.

• Take kids to pumpkin patch where they lovingly spend 1.2 hours picking out the perfect pumpkin.  Pay $23.75 and bring them home.
• Husband sets up perfect pumpkin carving station complete with newspaper and specialized, intricate carving tools such as the dog food can opener and a bent steak knife.
• Kids lovingly draw faces on the pumpkins that require 1,205 intricate cuts to create.
• Husband cuts tops off pumpkins.  Kids look inside and proclaim that “pumpkin guts are gross!” and refuse to touch them.
• Husband gives them my heirloom silver soup ladle and cajoles them to stop making faces and start digging.
• After 5.7 seconds, children declare pumpkin guts to be “disgusting, cold and icky”.  Children ask to go inside to wash hands and never return.
• Husband retreats to his recliner and picks up remote while muttering something about “every #@%@# year” and “never again.”
• Search for kids unsuccessfully.
• Spend next 3 hours scooping, carving and drilling until sun sets.
• Carry two 23 pound pumpkins to the front porch.
• Dig in junk drawer looking for two stubby candles and box of matches.
• Call kids and husband outside to ooh and ahh and proclaim that these pumpkins are the best they’ve ever done.

Aahhh, memories.  Where would be without family traditions?  I also like to serve a nice warm bowl of soup before they rush to the door and anxiously wait like racehorses chomping at the bit while I take “just one more” photo.  This is one of my faves because it’s super easy and is made with pantry ingredients.

ROASTED PEPPER AND TOMATO SOUP

• 2 Tablespoons butter
• 2 Tablespoons flour
• 16 oz can of whole tomatoes with Italian seasoning, undrained
• 7 oz. jar of roasted red peppers, drained
• 1 cup chicken broth
• 6 oz. can tomato paste
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1 Tablespoon sugar
• 1 Tablespoon dried basil or 2 fresh basil leaves, finely chopped
• Salt and pepper to taste

Melt butter in large saucepan.  Stir in flour to make a roux and cook for about 2-3 minutes stirring constantly. Add tomatoes, red peppers, broth, tomato paste, garlic, sugar and salt and pepper. Cook until soup bubbles. Puree with an immersion blender or in batches in a standing blender.

BAT WINGS

4 slices of bread (makes 2 sets of bat wings)
Olive oil, butter or cooking spray
Garlic salt

Tell your kids the garlic in the soup did him in.

Yummy Chocolate Cookie Dough

• 1 cup butter, softened
• 2 cups sugar
• 2 eggs
• 3 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 cup baking cocoa
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt

Cream butter and sugar. Beat in eggs and vanilla. Combine the flour, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda and salt; gradually add to the creamed mixture.  Try not to eat all the dough. Feel free to chill it if you want but you can work with it now.

Little Martha Stewart type note here - when I make this recipe for grown-up functions, I use cocoa powder instead of the sugar to flatten.  It makes a less sweet cookie.  Also, I leave off eyes and other body parts.  Most adults prefer to eat a cookie without eyes.

You could always put a popsicle stick under these and make lollipop cookies.  You know I love me some food on a stick.

So, chickens, here is an EASY Halloween treat that you can do with your kids with only three (yes, I said THREE!) ingredients.  And in plenty of time before Halloween.  You’re welcome.

I found these skinnier pretzels. The thick pretzel logs would work fine though.

Ok, ok, parchment or wax paper is technically four things you need.

Yeah, I know we all buy a type of that gel stuff once a year and use only 1/100th of the tube.  So you could totally use chocolate chips, M&M’s, raisins or whatever you have in your cupboard here.  (What UP, Martha!)

Which we totally did.

Ok, I admit I’m old and frantic.   But I really don’t remember parents running around like maniacs when I was a kid.  I work from home during the day, but my real job starts at 3:00 pm when the bus pulls up.  Let’s take an honest, unexaggerated look at yesterday, shall we?

• Go to pick up 3rd grader for piano lessons at school. Ask teacher if she knows where my daughter is.  Teacher says daughter must have forgotten about piano and got on the bus to go home.  Ask teacher if she got my note about picking up child.  Teacher explains that she isn’t responsible for daughter’s after school activities.  Mutter and walk back to car as I rush home before bus drops off 3rd grader.
• Call piano teacher to tell her Daughter #2 will not be at lesson.  Piano teacher asks where Daughter #1 is who should have arrived there 45 minutes ago. (!!!!) Rush home and find Daughter #1 at home playing Nintendo because she “forgot” to walk to her lesson too.
• Sigh with relief, hug kids and then lose my temper while I lecture them for 15 minutes on importance of remembering piano lessons are always on Wednesdays.
• Dump contents of overstuffed backpacks and sort through school papers each child brings home.
• Write checks for school pictures ($30 each child), PTA fees ($30 each child), $6 field trip fee and $30 School Fee (What’s THAT for anyway?)
• Start dinner.
• Husband arrives home, sits in recliner and picks up TV remote until dinner.
• Stop 28 times to assist and review 5 math sheets, 2 spelling worksheets, 1 essay, a story using 10 adverbs ending in “ly” and a book report totaling 50 minutes of homework.
• Call hubby to dinner. During dinner, review graded schoolwork with children.
• Children announce that they must wear orange for School Spirit Day which just happens to be tomorrow.  I swear, if we ever move, it will be to a school district that has DENIM as a school color.
• Review note from 3rd grade teacher that some school supplies are missing and due tomorrow.
• Husband returns to recliner and picks up remote.
• Clear table and pile dishes into sink.
• Run out to store to buy two orange t-shirts for School Spirit Day tomorrow.
• Stop at office supply store and buy 1 plain green plastic folder, 3 plain red folders, 2 blue pens, 1 red pen, 1 Post-It note cube, 100 4×6 ruled cards and 3 PLAIN stretchy book covers (Whatever happened to covers made from brown paper bags?)
• Get cashier to give me 10 dimes, 2 quarters, 5 nickels and 10 pennies for 3rd grader’s math homework.
• Run to drugstore and buy “MUST HAVE BY TOMORROW!” hand sanitizer, Kleenex, Ziploc bags, plain white socks, Saran Wrap and disinfectant cleaner. I’m waiting for the day when I’m required to bring in bubble bath for the teacher to relax after work.
• Attend “Meet the Teacher” night and get more forms and listen to requests for donations/volunteers by PTA, music teacher, school secretary, librarian, gym teacher and home room coordinator.
• Guiltily sign up for Halloween party, Teacher Appreciation Dinner, Library Storytime and Cultural Arts Day.
• Return home and sign 12 forms, 3 teacher notes and 2 planners.
• Pack forms, supplies and planners into each child’s backpack.
• Ask if child has books to return to school library.
• Spend 10 minutes looking for library books.
• Remind kids that their homework belongs in their backpacks, not on living room floor.
• Tell kids to get ready for bed.
• Pack lunches
• Tell kids to get ready for bed again.
• Third grader tells me that she has no clean socks.  Throw in load of laundry.
• Tell kids to get IN BED NOW!
• Drop onto sofa.  Husband puts down remote and grins.  Give husband evil eye.  Husband picks up remote again.
• Get youngest a drink of water.
• Tell kids to GO TO SLEEP NOW OR I WILL COME IN THERE AND YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE MY UNHAPPY MOMMY FACE AND I MEAN IT!
• Collapse into bed and pull covers over my head.  Dream of summer vacation.

Here’s my question of the day:  Is it JUST ME!?  Do you feel like your child’s school is a second job?  Discuss amongst yourselves.

First, make your favorite Sloppy Joe recipe.  Here’s mine.  It makes a lot because we like to have leftovers.

SLOPPY JOES

1 lb. ground chuck or lean beef
1 lb. ground turkey or soy crumbles (mixing half of this with the beef still tastes like all beef…sneaky, no?)
1/2 c. finely chopped onion
1 finely chopped red bell pepper
1 finely chopped green bell pepper (gotta sneak in some veggies!)
2 Tablespoons cider vinegar
1 Tablespoon dried mustard
3/4 c. brown sugar
1 (26 oz.) bottle of ketchup
Salt and pepper to season

Brown the beef and turkey/soy with the chopped onion and peppers.  Drain off any grease.  Mix the ketchup, mustard, cider vinegar and brown sugar and pour over beef mixture.  Season with salt and pepper.

Wait a minute, you say!  I know how to make sloppy joes.  What’s this NEAT thing?  Here ya go.

Fill and put the “cap” back on!

The tips just keep comin’!  If you don’t have an expensive mandoline to make paper thin wafers for chips, I bet you have one of these:

Oh, and the dancing chicken?  Well, you’ll have to click here to read my interview at Simmer Til Done to get the scoop on that.  Tell Marilyn I sent ya.

P.S. - You can make that glaze by mixing a little milk or maple syrup into powdered sugar to get the consistency you want.

The Amish were green before green was hip. They reuse, recycle and make do.  Simplicity is a way of life.  So with today’s economy, I’m reaching back into the recipes my Amish neighbors taught me.   From Shoofly pie to Soda Cracker Pudding,  Homemade Egg Noodles to Half Moon Pie, Amish recipes are simple, frugal and delish!

Today we’re going to learn how to make the Amish version of Snickerdoodles which are large, soft, puffy cookies dusted with cinnamon and sugar.

Oh, and when my Amish neighbors said they were baking, they were B-A-K-I-N-G! Not one pie, not two, but 5 or 6 pies at a time, 12 loaves of bread and 6-8 dozen cookies.  So if you’re wondering if the measurements in this recipes are correct, the answer is, as my friend Wanda Swartzentruber would say, “Ja!” (yep!). This recipe makes about 5-6 dozen cookies but it can easily be split in half.  I like to bake the whole batch because they freeze well, and my neighbor happens to love them.

AMISH SNICKEROODLES

• 1 cup shortening (traditionally, homemade lard is used but since I haven’t slaughtered a pig this summer, shortening will do)
• 4 eggs
• 3 cups sugar
• 4 teaspoons cream of tartar
• 5 1/2 cups flour
• 2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 tsp. vanilla (the vanilla isn’t traditional either but I like the taste with the cinnamon)
• Cinnamon and sugar for rolling

Preheat oven to 350° Farenheit.

In a mixer, cream the shortening and sugar together.  Add eggs one at a time, mixing well after each.   Add the vanilla.

Sift the flour, baking soda, salt and cream of tartar together.  Add slowly to the mixture until well combined.

Mix about 2-3 Tablespoons each of sugar and ground cinnamon in a shallow bowl.  Roll into walnut sized balls and roll into the cinnamon/sugar mixture.  Place on lightly greased baking sheet and bake for 12-14 minutes.

I went up to the Middle Eastern food market and bought some bulgur, feta, lemons and pitas, then stopped at the Asian food market for some fresh shrimp.  TODAY’S MATH PROBLEM: There are 3 Asian, 2 Italian, 1 Indian, 1 Greek, 1 Slovenian, and 6 Middle Eastern groceries within 5 miles of Francie but 0 Mexican mercados within 50 miles.  What’s up with THAT!?  ANSWER: Because Mexican is Francie’s favorite food so therefore it figures.

Anyhoo, bulgur (cracked wheat) can be cooked sans heat so it’s perfect for dog days like these.  Here’s how.

BULGUR SALAD WITH FETA AND SHRIMP
2 c. bulgur
Just enough water to cover
Pinch of salt
1 tsp. cumin
1 tsp. cayenne
Juice of 1 lemon
1/3-1/2 c. olive oil
1 Tablespoon honey
1 large bunch fresh parsley
1 c. walnuts, toasted and coarsely chopped
1 cucumber, cubed
1 c. crumbled fresh feta
1/2 lb. peeled, deveined and cooked shrimp

Pour bulgur into a bowl and cover with water until about 2″ over.  Salt the water and stir.  Let sit for about 1 hour or until the bulgur is soft.

Mix cumin, cayenne, lemon, olive oil and honey.  Pour over bulgur.  Chop and add the parsley, walnuts and cucumber. Refrigerate for at least 4 hours.  When ready to serve, top with feta and shrimp.  Pat yourself on the back for eating so healthfully.

The only problem with food on a stick is disposing of the stick. Until now.

A Pocky is a cookie, but technically a “candy covered biscuit stick.” I get them at the Asian market near our house, but I think World Market carries them too. I like to call them sticks you can eat.

You don’t want the chocolate too thick because it doesn’t coat well and might break your stick Pocky.

Assemble some bowls of yummy dipping stuff.

Voila.

Not pictured: Tropical Pocky**

**My daughters ate the Tropical Pocky (dipped in coconut) before I got my camera ready.

As always, I am grateful if you Digg or Stumble this post if you enjoyed it! Thanks!!!

This is the wreath on our front porch. It has the assorted plastic greenery including a fake birdnest and fake flowers.

So a few weeks ago, we found that a bird had discovered the craft-store faux nest and was hanging out in it. Whenever we opened our front door, this bird flew off.

Then my husband told me to take a look in the wreath. Here’s what we found.

Best we can tell there are seven (7!) baby birds jammed into one little 3″ fake wreath. Hence, the following:

Oh…and my camera’s back. (Dancing a little hoedown ala Ashlee Simpson)

The rising cost of food worldwide is impacting us all.

In the United States, we are inconvenienced.
In Haiti, a family is eating dirt.

In the United States, we are using more coupons.
In Nigeria, 76% of a family’s budget is spent on basic food.

In the United States, we take for granted that our children will eat until they are full every day.
In Bangladesh, a child feels guilty for having one meal to herself.

In the United States, families are cutting back on snack foods.
In Uganda, a mother shares her one wish that her children will live to see adulthood.

In America, we are not considered a rich family. We often struggle to make ends meet. We’ve already cut our food budget significantly compared to what we normally buy.

But we’ve realized that we can easily cut more. We’ve decided we are going to eat only rice or beans for dinner once a week. We will eat a meal that is considered meager for us but plenty to much of the world. The bit of money we save will go toward sponsoring a child with Compassion.*

As we eat as a family, we will talk about how the money we save means life for someone else. We will show our children that they can make a difference. We will show our children what it means to be truly rich.

Will you join me? Make a difference in a child’s life forever. I dare you.

*Why we love Compassion
*Charity Navigator 4-Star Rating

So I became a mom, right? And I bake and bake and bake…this one hates coconut, this one only likes vanilla, this one hates nuts. But when does Mama get a cake of her own, I’d like to know!? This is the first year I’ve baked MYSELF a cake. I think I broke some unwritten Mama law in that I made a cake that ISN’T anyone else’s favorite. It’s mine. And you see all that frosting, 800 calories per spoonful and worth every stinkin’ bit of it! It’s only once a year.

“It’s My Birthday” German Chocolate Cake

4 oz. bar of sweet dark chocolate (try not to eat this raw…you’ll need it)
2 c. plus 2 Tbsp. cake flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
1 c. butter, softened
2 c. sugar
4 eggs, separated
1 c. buttermilk
1 tsp. vanilla

FROSTING (THE GOOD STUFF)
12 oz. can evaporated (NOT sweetened condensed) milk
1 1/2 c. sugar
3/4 c. butter
4 egg yolks, slightly beaten
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla
7 oz. package of sweetened shredded coconut
1 1/2 c. chopped pecans

Grease 2 (9″) round cake pans and line with parchment paper. Melt the chocolate in a double boiler (I use a glass bowl over a pan of simmering water.) Stir until melted. Sift flour, baking soda and salt.

Beat butter and sugar on medium speed until light and fluffy (you know, like Snuggles, the fabric softener bear). Add the egg yolks, 1 at a time, beating well after each addition. Slowly mix in the melted chocolate and vanilla. Add the flour mixture alternately with the buttermilk, beating well after each addition.

Beat the egg whites until stiff peaks form. Fold the egg whites into the batter.

Bake at 350° Farenheit for 30-35 minutes. Cool 15 minutes and remove from pans.

THE BEST PART:

Place evaporated milk, sugar, butter, egg yolks and vanilla in a medium saucepan. Stirring constantly, cook on medium heat for 10-12 minutes until it turns golden brown and thickens slightly. Take off heat and add coconut and pecans. Let cool until it’s a frosting consistency, about 15 minutes. Slather it on the cake or just sit down with the bowl. It’s YOUR birthday, right?

I’m a member of Great Cooks Community, a great blogroll of cooks ranging from hobbyists to pros run by my friend, Jill McKeever. If you like cooking, you need to go join this phenomenal group of people from all over the world who love to share their recipes.

In case you’re also crazy creative enough to try this, here’s what you’ll need:

• Cupcakes (betcha didn’t see that one comin’, did ya?)
• Fondant
• Food coloring
• Mini M&M’s
• Pink coloring gel
• Chocolate melting wafers (I used yellow, milk chocolate and dark chocolate)
• Wax or parchment paper

Break off a piece of fondant and add the food coloring. I found this one called “Flesh” at the cake decorating store (imagine how strange it felt buying something you can eat called “FLESH.”) Add just a bit at a time and knead the fondant (it’ll get more pliable with the warmth of your hands) until the color is well blended. I found I could adjust the skin tone by adding more.

I used marshmallow creme to attach the fondant to the cupcakes but frosting would work fine.

See how it’s on parchment paper? You could use wax paper or a Silpat. Just don’t pour the chocolate directly in your mouth. It might be fun but it won’t accomplish your task. (Although I admit the chocolate squirt bottle makes it too tempting…kind of like those pressurized squirt cans of whipped cream.)

I used more royal icing to attach the hair. One thing I learned from this is that my cupcakes tops were CURVED while my hair had dried on a FLAT surface. Next time I might fill the cupcakes less or shave the tops flat before putting on the fondant.

I can’t say that they’ll recognize themselves. These cupcakes looked much better in my mind (kind of like my life!) But they’ll certainly laugh about them (or at me…not sure which.)

Still, for seven year olds, these are probably cool enough.

If you think I’m crazy enough to warrant a vote at the Great Cooks County Fair cookoff, please be sure to drop a vote here. Voting starts June 1.

You should already know because of the title but:

You’ve seen this in your produce section, right? I keep mine in the freezer and grate it as needed.

So these cookies require two kinds of ginger.

(For those of you born after 1980, that’s Tina Louise.)

CANDIED GINGER COOKIES

3/4 c. butter, softened
1 c. white sugar
1/4 c. molasses
1/3 c. water
2 1/2 c. all-purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp. baking soda
2 tsp. freshly grated ginger
1/2 tsp. ground cloves
1/2 tsp. ground nutmeg
1/4 tsp. salt
1 c. minced crystallized ginger.
Turbinado sugar (for rolling)

Preheat oven to 350 Farenheit. In a large bowl, cream together the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add molasses and mix well. Stir in water.

In separate bowl, combine, flour, salt, spices and baking soda.

Add gradually to the wet ingredients. Mix until well combined.

Roll into 1″ balls and coat well with Turbinado sugar (regular sugar’s fine…just not as pretty.)

Cook on ungreased sheet at 350 for 10-12 minutes. Tops will be cracked.

I stuffed them with chopped roasted red pepper, the chopped stems of the mushrooms (you saved those, right?), parmesan and mozzarella, garlic and oregano.  I grilled them for about 10 minutes on medium and then browned them a bit under the broiler to give it that nice, golden brown toasty look (totally optional.)

This is one of of those, “what do I have in the fridge” recipes?  Here are a few ideas to get you pumped:

Strictly Vegetarian

• Roasted red peppers, Gruyere and basil
• Chopped onion, celery and garlic (saute in a little oil first)
• Roasted garlic, white wine and breadcrumbs
• Sun dried tomatoes and ricotta
• Sauteed spinach or chard with goat cheese
• Hummus and feta
• Cucumbers, tomato and ricotta
• Pico de Gallo and Queso Fresco
• Apples, walnuts and blue cheese
• Mesculin (add AFTER grilling) and lemon vinaigrette

Carnivores

• Crab, onion and cream cheese
• Sausage, tomato and basil
• Shrimp, parmesan and Alfredo sauce
• Bacon, potato and Cheddar
• Chicken, oregano and Kalamata olives

On the side, a cheap, fresh, cheap, tasty, did I mention CHEAP salad?  Remember that fresh market I visited?

They said it couldn’t be done.  I fed a family of four a healthy meal for under $10.  (OK, THAT’s been done.) But I fed mine and they actually ATE it!  Ha!  Take THAT!  (Shadow boxes around room.)  Who’s your mama now?!

(Please support your mama now by Digging this post!)

Next, I’m going to show you what I cooked with the stuff I bought here.