This is the wreath on our front porch. It has the assorted plastic greenery including a fake birdnest and fake flowers.

So a few weeks ago, we found that a bird had discovered the craft-store faux nest and was hanging out in it. Whenever we opened our front door, this bird flew off.

Then my husband told me to take a look in the wreath. Here’s what we found.

Best we can tell there are seven (7!) baby birds jammed into one little 3″ fake wreath. Hence, the following:

Oh…and my camera’s back. (Dancing a little hoedown ala Ashlee Simpson)

Just in time for Mother’s Day.

My friend Kittie from Kittens in the Kitchen (love her tagline) gave me the Arte y Pico award.  Thanks so much, Kittie!!

I’m going to be 45 in a few weeks. And most days, I feel 30, maybe 35. Until yesterday.

I’m slightly near-sighted. Since I only wear glasses when I drive, I keep them in the car. Seven-year-old was playing in the car a few days ago and this happened. No one knows how.

So I needed a new pair but needed an eye exam first.

This is the appointment:

————————————

DR: Did you know that your eyes bulge out?

ME: (Why is he telling me this?) Um…no.

DR: Has anyone ever told you that you have protruding eyes?

ME: (Again…why are you telling me this? Wait…painful childhood memories of being called “Bug Eyes” flash back). Well, maybe.

Doctor brings out a ruler.

DR: Stare ahead please. (Measures how my eyes stick out of my head like Homer Simpson.)

DR: Well, it’s nothing to worry about, but I just thought you should know. (Well, it’s nothing to worry about, I just thought you’d want to be self-conscious for the rest of your life. Thanks, Doc!)

A few minutes later.

DR: I think you need bifocals.

ME: (WHAT!?) Well, I never wear glasses for reading or computer work. I see better without them.

DR: That’s because you need bifocals. Here’s a prescription. And I would see a doctor and have a yearly checkup…for diabetes, cholesterol, etc. At your age, that’s a good idea.

————————————

Wow, thanks for that encouragement. I really appreciate that WALMART-EYE-GUY.

I won’t go into how I picked out some modern looking glasses but was told that my granny-bifocal prescription wouldn’t work with that frame. So I was escorted to the Elton John eyewear section to pick out a frame large enough for my Hubble telescope lenses.

And that’s how you age 25 years in 10 minutes.

Yet another example of obvious instructions for not-so-bright people.

It’s serious but can be cured by strictly following these rules.

1) Do NOT get out of bed. The only exception is if there is not a TV near the bed. In this emergency, relocate to the sofa or a reclinder.
2) Have immediate and complete control of the TV remote. If the remote is lost, immediately contact your next of kin to retrieve the remote.
3) If you must get out of bed, always walk slowly and with a hunched back. Standing upright will only confuse others as to how sick you really are.
4) Moan often. Moaning is required so that no one forgets you have a serious disease, the Man Cold.
5) Talk in a whining voice so as not to further strain your vocal cords while they are adjusting to the severity of your Man Cold.

If you follow these strict guidelines, the patient should recover in approximately 7 days. To determine the severity of the Man Cold, order a Meat Lover’s Pizza. If the patient eats less than 3 pieces, contact 911 immediately.

Thanks to Kamp Krusty!