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The candy bowl has only been empty for one hour and I’m already feeling too cranky to participate next year. We’ve never been big on all the gore and dark elements of Halloween, but I will admit loving the little ones going door to door in their 100% adorableness. But it’s official….I’m now an old geezer because I found myself muttering, “Parents these days!” the entire night. Those costumes! When I was a kid, most costumes involved mom’s hair curlers and Dad’s shoe polish. On a really special year, we’d get a plastic mask that wouldn’t allow you to see or breathe and was held on to your sweaty face by a thin elastic string that always broke and whipped straight into your eyeball, you young whippersnappers! And we LIKED it! Excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable like old geezer rant mode.
Yes, this is an ACTUAL child costume available
in sizes starting at Ages 6-8!
1) Britney Spears, Bratz and Sexy School Girl costumes
Call me crazy but I don’t think little girls should dress like Playboy bunnies. Apparently, many parents (and any pedophiles who may be wandering the neighborhood) disagree with me. Maybe next year, I’ll just hand out safety pins and the missing pieces of fabric.
2) Adults who use an infant to trick or treat
To the adult who held their month old baby up to me, said “Trick or Treat” and then asked if I had any Reese’s Cups and proceeded to take a handful, I’m sure you know that you would get decked if people weren’t afraid you would drop your candy mooching machine…er, I mean, baby.
3) Adults who pull in front of our house, drop off a van load full of little kids and then drive off
Talk about scaring me on Halloween. I’ll not even go into the safety issue here. Dear parents, I hate to interrupt your private time, but our street wide babysitting service is officially closed.
4) Adults who instruct their child to grab more candy when I’ve just said, “One piece, please.”
We all know who the extra candy is for. Especially when you get specific about which flavors to grab. Forgive my sarcastic “You’re welcome” as you stomp on our flowers as y’all leave.
5) Adults who escort their toddlers while wearing gory, horrific costumes.
Ooooh, Mr. Big Man. Since you were laughing, you obviously think it’s hilarious to scar little kids for life as they scream and cry in terror, but it’s only fun for you, you smoldering pile of virility. Please find some way to prove your manhood other than traumatizing toddlers.
6) And lastly, to the elderly cashier at Wal-Mart who angrily complained to me that she #%@!%# had to work on Halloween.
And good morning to you too! A) I’m not sure what pretend world you live in where employees get the day off on Halloween, but I want to live there. B) The local anger management center is always open on Halloween. You should give them a call. C) As someone who very much reminded me of my 80 year old grandmother, you might have picked a more decorous costume than Leather Rocker Chick with Chaps. I don’t know when I will get that image burned out of my brain.
Do I sound bitter? Do I sound angry? Do I sound like an old crotchety woman complaining and rambling about everything that crosses my mind? Actually, yes, I do. That is all.
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November 1st, 2008 at 10:54 am
aaww I am sorry to hear that… I have never been too crazy about Halloween and try to be out that night to avoid contact with people. LOL
November 1st, 2008 at 12:31 pm
We’re not huge fans of Halloween, but we let the kids dress up and trick or treat, always in modest, kid appropriate costume. I would like to add to your list teenagers who shove ahead of the little kids and try to take handfuls of candy from the bowl. In my opinion, if you’ve reached puberty, leave the trick or treating to the little kids and have a party with your friends, if you feel like you have to have a ton of different types of candy have each friend bring a bag and then share it all around.
November 1st, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Oh, yeah, we had those too, Audrey.
November 1st, 2008 at 2:19 pm
lol, loved the wal-mart clerk dressed as a biker chick with chaps …. that is until i got the visual. yeck
November 2nd, 2008 at 7:40 am
*wiping the tears off my cheek*
We had the very same tricksters!
-The same man with his one month old infant and a pumpkin basket came to our house. I looked for his other child and found only his wife.
-One OLD biker (I don’t believe he was ‘dressed up’) wore a half mask with his long gray beard hanging out, stuck out his walmart bag and said “I’ll take any chocolate you have.”
-Multiple suburbans unloading gangs of kids- who never used the words “thank you” or “happy halloween!”
And one last mutual rant- when I went shopping for my own costume, I found myself really perplexed. I found all those terrible ho’costumes for young girls, to which I muttered “Not my daughter!”
But when I tried to find one for myself, I only had different variations of ho to choose from, Nurse-ho, Biker-ho, Waitress-ho, Maid-ho, Hippy-ho, Witch-ho. If I could have found a Mother Teresa-ho, I would have bought it! It would have gone great with a Pope John the Pimp Daddy costume for my husband.
November 2nd, 2008 at 8:33 am
Oh, I hear ya, Jill. I’m not sure when Halloween turned into “Dress Like Paris Hilton for a Day,” but it ain’t pretty. The last thing I want to see at my door is the PTA mom who made cupcakes for the class bday party dressed as the Naughty Nurse.
November 2nd, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Thank you! I feel the same way!
November 2nd, 2008 at 9:22 pm
Right there with ya! I dress my kiddos in modest costumes. If I can’t find them, I make them. Hate it when kids don’t say “Trick or Treat”. They just come up and stare at you with their bag/basket shoved in your face like you know what to do and you are obligated to give them a treat no matter how rude they are about it. I also hate it when they don’t say please. I just stare at them until they say Trick or Treat, usually they end up asking what I am waiting for or something like that.
November 3rd, 2008 at 7:14 am
There was a fantastic piece on the rudeness of trick-or-treaters on this week’s Prairie Home Companion.
Additionally, I worked at a local costume store for three Halloween seasons, and even more disturbing to me than the rudeness or the wide array of tarty costumes were the parents who not only accepted these whorish outfits, but celebrated them and thought they were a riot.
I’m talking about the mother who bragged about how well endowed her daughter was. I’m talking about the mothers (dozens and dozens of them) who plinked down their credit cards for sexy Alice in Wonderland, complete with thigh-highs and lacy petticoat. I’m talking about the aunts who nodded approvingly as their girls walked out of the dressing rooms with their nether regions barely covered.
It absolutely boggles the mind.
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November 3rd, 2008 at 9:55 am
I hate it when parents bring their babies around trick-or-treating. My philosophy is that if a kid can walk and say “trick-or-treat” then he’s old enough to go. If a child can walk at least walk and carry his own bag, he can go too, just make sure he goes along with older siblings and friends who can say trick-or-treat. If the kid can’t walk, stay at home with him and pass out candy, or if you do bring him along, just don’t give him a bag.
November 3rd, 2008 at 11:43 am
@ Alison GOOD rule!
@ Shannon, You’re KIDDING, right?!
November 3rd, 2008 at 12:50 pm
I feel the same about Halloween, last year I got home after the Trick or Treaters had called, when I asked my other half what did you give the kids? His reply? A tin of tomatoes, it’s all I could find in a hurry, needless to say, we haven’t been bothered since!
November 4th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
The tween girls in slutty costumes is ridiculous, I agree 1000%. But as for the kids who grab big handfuls of candy… why let them choose? I always hold the bowl myself and give one mini chocolate bar and one mini pack of candy to each child. I’ve never had a complaint, and if they don’t like what they got – tough. It’s free, and they can trade with friends during the next few days.
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November 11th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
This is so true but also so funny. ROFL.
November 16th, 2008 at 8:14 am
I got sour on Halloween when I saw the huge bag of candy my son had gathered in about 2 hours of shuffling from door to door. I set limits of 2 pieces a day for him but we know how that went over. He probably gains 10 lbs every year. What are we doing to our kids? The costumes are another matter. Halloween has just become another excuse to overeat. Looking at the stacks and stacks of candy in Wal-Mart makes me sick. I just refuse to participate. And the words ‘Thank you’ have evidently been banned by the government when we weren’t looking.
November 16th, 2008 at 9:05 am
I have to take exception to the idea that it isn’t appropriate to take your baby trick-or-treating. I carried my 1 year old around to some of our neighbor’s houses. He was all dressed up in his cute dragon costume. I was reluctant to do it at first. I thought that he was a little too young to enjoy any candy or really remember the occasion. But having been out with him, I wouldn’t hesitate to do it again. Our neighbors loved seeing our little guy all dressed up and he loved ‘meeting’ new people and experiencing the sights and sounds of Halloween. We even managed to snap a couple of photos with him as a dragon at the doorstep. Terribly cute.
Maybe adults who are too grumpy to participate in the joy and splendor of a child enjoying a holiday are the problem?
November 17th, 2008 at 6:11 am
Brian, I love seeing the babies in those adorable costumes on Halloween. I’m the first to coo and ahh when I see them approach. What I didn’t like was the adults who held up the baby for a millisecond before picking through the candy bowl taking all they wanted. I don’t object to adorable babies out during trick or treat. I object to adults who *use* the baby as a foil to grab handfuls of free candy.
November 17th, 2008 at 6:20 am
True. I firmly believe in setting limits on the amount of candy. Some parents have the kids make and take a jar of candy to the firemen or police station. Too much of anything is bad. That said, I allow my kids one night to go wild and eat one piece for each year of their age. After that, I give them the mini bars in their lunch. Or freeze it for putting into Christmas baking. And of course, there’s the “Daddy Tax” my husband charges….”One for Daddy…Two for you.” He says it teaches economics.
November 18th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
Here, here, Francie!! I actually got ZERO trick or treaters this year so I’d like to go on record saying I hate the parents of Stockton, NJ who didn’t feel like walking down my dirt road and therefore left me with like 5 bags of kit-kats and a rapidly growing tuckus.
November 18th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
Robin, I’ll trade ya. We live on a street with 4 condo and 2 high rise apartments. $100 in candy is not enough to make it through the night.
January 23rd, 2009 at 7:59 am
Oh Francie, you crack me up! I totally agree with your rant, but I was lucky this year. Polite kids and parents, no ‘ho costumes, and even the teens who might have been a little too old looked pretty funny floating down the street as a group of ghosts in their white sheets. The best was the kid with a kind of horse shoe around his shoulders that was covered with feathers…he was a Chick Magnet!