It’s official. School is now my second job.

Thu, Sep 11, 2008

LIFE (is more than food), POPULAR (as voted by you), all the rest, kids

It’s official. School is now my second job.

<br />

Ok, I admit I’m old and frantic. But I really don’t remember parents running around like maniacs when I was a kid. I work from home during the day, but my real job starts at 3:00 pm when the bus pulls up. Let’s take an honest, unexaggerated look at yesterday, shall we?

Go to pick up 3rd grader for piano lessons at school. Ask teacher if she knows where my daughter is. Teacher says daughter must have forgotten about piano and got on the bus to go home. Ask teacher if she got my note about picking up child. Teacher explains that she isn’t responsible for daughter’s after school activities. Mutter and walk back to car as I rush home before bus drops off 3rd grader.
Call piano teacher to tell her Daughter #2 will not be at lesson. Piano teacher asks where Daughter #1 is who should have arrived there 45 minutes ago. (!!!!) Rush home and find Daughter #1 at home playing Nintendo because she “forgot” to walk to her lesson too.
Sigh with relief, hug kids and then lose my temper while I lecture them for 15 minutes on importance of remembering piano lessons are always on Wednesdays.
Dump contents of overstuffed backpacks and sort through school papers each child brings home.
Write checks for school pictures ($30 each child), PTA fees ($30 each child), $6 field trip fee and $30 School Fee (What’s THAT for anyway?)
Start dinner.
Husband arrives home, sits in recliner and picks up TV remote until dinner.
Stop 28 times to assist and review 5 math sheets, 2 spelling worksheets, 1 essay, a story using 10 adverbs ending in “ly” and a book report totaling 50 minutes of homework.
Call hubby to dinner. During dinner, review graded schoolwork with children.
Children announce that they must wear orange for School Spirit Day which just happens to be tomorrow. I swear, if we ever move, it will be to a school district that has DENIM as a school color.
Review note from 3rd grade teacher that some school supplies are missing and due tomorrow.
Husband returns to recliner and picks up remote.
Clear table and pile dishes into sink.
Run out to store to buy two orange t-shirts for School Spirit Day tomorrow.
Stop at office supply store and buy 1 plain green plastic folder, 3 plain red folders, 2 blue pens, 1 red pen, 1 Post-It note cube, 100 4×6 ruled cards and 3 PLAIN stretchy book covers (Whatever happened to covers made from brown paper bags?)
Get cashier to give me 10 dimes, 2 quarters, 5 nickels and 10 pennies for 3rd grader’s math homework.
Run to drugstore and buy “MUST HAVE BY TOMORROW!” hand sanitizer, Kleenex, Ziploc bags, plain white socks, Saran Wrap and disinfectant cleaner. I’m waiting for the day when I’m required to bring in bubble bath for the teacher to relax after work.
Attend “Meet the Teacher” night and get more forms and listen to requests for donations/volunteers by PTA, music teacher, school secretary, librarian, gym teacher and home room coordinator.
Guiltily sign up for Halloween party, Teacher Appreciation Dinner, Library Storytime and Cultural Arts Day.
Return home and sign 12 forms, 3 teacher notes and 2 planners.
Pack forms, supplies and planners into each child’s backpack.
Ask if child has books to return to school library.
Spend 10 minutes looking for library books.
Remind kids that their homework belongs in their backpacks, not on living room floor.
Tell kids to get ready for bed.
Pack lunches
Tell kids to get ready for bed again.
Third grader tells me that she has no clean socks. Throw in load of laundry.
Tell kids to get IN BED NOW!
Drop onto sofa. Husband puts down remote and grins. Give husband evil eye. Husband picks up remote again.
Get youngest a drink of water.
Tell kids to GO TO SLEEP NOW OR I WILL COME IN THERE AND YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE MY UNHAPPY MOMMY FACE AND I MEAN IT!
Collapse into bed and pull covers over my head. Dream of summer vacation.

Here’s my question of the day: Is it JUST ME!? Do you feel like your child’s school is a second job? Discuss amongst yourselves.

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parenting, school

This post was written by:

Francie - who has written 124 posts on Frantic Home Cook – Home cooking, Recipes, Healthy, Frugal.

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28 Comments For This Post

Betsy Says:
September 11th, 2008 at 9:42 am

I know what will make your job easier…homeschool!

I promise you, you won’t regret it (and you CAN do it!)

Janine Says:
September 11th, 2008 at 10:18 am

Glad to know I’m not the only one who feels this way. I laughed outloud and sadly completely, understand, even the husband part!

I forgot how much change to send with my second grader so I sent him with a whole bag of change and told him to bring home the rest.

Are the white socks for whiteboard erasing? We had to send in one white sock and I didn’t want to send in an old one so I sent a new one so I already have one without a pair!

Audrey Says:
September 11th, 2008 at 12:23 pm

Ditto, Betsy! My kids school is a job for me, but that’s because I homeschool so I never have to deal with all of that kind of bureaucracy.

Francie Says:
September 11th, 2008 at 12:26 pm

Well, I’ve thought about homeschooling but my husband is not on board. It’s not an option for me.

Francie Says:
September 11th, 2008 at 2:12 pm

Yep. Whiteboard erasing. Except I’m too ashamed to send one of our old unmatched socks (yes I have those…don’t ask why) because I don’t have any without holes. Not that this should matter…but to a Mom, it’s reflection on us, isn’t it?!!!

swales Says:
September 12th, 2008 at 8:45 am

Your afterschool adventures are replayed in my house everyday, even though my husband stays home, and I work outside the home. When I ask him why all things urgent and non-urgent wait until I walk through the door, his response is “Well, you’re the Mom”. Now while I am grateful we can have a parent at home, it is my husband, which is not at all like having a wife at home…know what I mean?

Kathy Says:
September 12th, 2008 at 10:29 am

I’ve found that the key to me feeling less overwhelmed is giving my kids more responsibility. Since first grade they’ve had responsibility for making their own breakfast, lunch (or they can buy it at school), getting homework done, getting me to sign any papers as needed and getting to bed at a reasonable time. They’ve certainly made mistakes along the way but they quickly learn from those mistakes.

Ben Says:
September 12th, 2008 at 11:41 am

And that is why I have a cat instead of kids! LOL I am sorry to hear all that and that you pretty much have to do everything yourself. I have never agreed with that “wife takes care of the house and kids while husband watches TV” mentality. But what do I know? I’ll never be a wife

kellypea Says:
September 12th, 2008 at 12:38 pm

I could list the classic lines in this hilarious rant, but there are sooooo many. Bubble bath for the teacher? BWhahahahahaha! Her saying she’s not responsible for your kids after school activities? Grrrrrr….that’s just common decency. I did it for parents when I taught.

As far as us going through all of it is concerned, we’re down to the wire. One left in his junior year. Responsibility growing, so I’m more of a tape recorder that confirms things he is supposed to be taking care of…But I feel your pain.

Francie Says:
September 12th, 2008 at 2:10 pm

Yes, my kids should have more responsibility. I’m having a hard time letting them forget their lunch, homework, forms, etc. because I get a phone call from the teacher asking WHY everything is missing. So it all comes down to mom no matter how you slice it.

Ginger Says:
September 12th, 2008 at 2:51 pm

Tell your husband to get off his lazy butt and help you with all that stuff!!

Toontz Says:
September 12th, 2008 at 5:17 pm

Hmmm, yes, I have had days like that. But now I am older and wiser. When my seventh grader came to me last night because she could not find her gym shirt (she has had all summer to look for it) I didn’t even get up from my chair. “Well, you better find it” was all I said (and did). Low and behold-she found it in with her pajamas! Go figure! When my freshman told me she needed a yellow binder (yellow?) because the French teacher demanded it, I told her to get her father to take her to one store (I am not going to waste gas to go to twenty stores to find a yellow binder). The store didn’t have it-too bad-we made our own with yellow construction paper. But I admit, I ran myself ragged when the kids were younger. It will get better, I promise. You have to start training them now, though. Say “No” a few times when they come to you at the last minute needing things for school, and maybe they will give you a few days heads up on things…we can only hope!

Ingrid Says:
September 12th, 2008 at 9:00 pm

Ha! I feel your pain. I can totally relate! I have three of my own. 12 yr old Twin boys and a 9 yr old daughter. One of the Twins is abnormally organized, tidy, and self motivated…to the point of being annoying. (very bad when son is more on point than the parent!) The other Twin has no sense of urgency. My youngest only shows urgency when it’s the 11th hour!

I know I do some of this to myself trying to be super Mom but as you said its very hard to just let them go hungry or forget their things. (there is a lot of hollerin’ that goes on in my house!) At this age it’s still a reflection of you.

Thanks for another great post! I really enjoy reading your blog!
~ingrid

Francie Says:
September 13th, 2008 at 6:09 am

Yes, it’s a Catch 22 at this age. I have no problem in letting the kids forget their lunch (they won’t die from one skipped lunch and they’ll learn to remember it), but the rest is another story.

If I don’t have forms signed, homework checked, school supplies purchased, checks written and miscellaneous supplies donated, then their ability to learn will be compromised which defeats the purpose of school. If I don’t do the nightly “Parent Homework” assignments that come home in the special folder, my kids suffer. Funny, though, I don’t remember giving my Dad “Parent Homework.” Are schools more demanding or am I just forgetting what it was like? I firmly believe in (and practice!) parental involvement in schools, but some of this stuff seems to be a bit over the top in what’s required.

teresa Says:
September 14th, 2008 at 7:40 am

I know! It’s ridiculous. I have two in elementary, one in middle school and one away at college and it always amazes me how much more stuff the parents *have* to do than just 10 years ago.

Things got a lot better around here when “Lack of preparation on your part DOES NOT constitute an emergency on my part” became my mantra. I *rarely* run out at the last minute to buy something that my kids have known they needed for days but only mentioned the night before they actually have to have it. I pretty much won’t stay up later than usually to do things like make cookies or do laundry for the same reason either.I do help the first grader make her lunch but with the older kids, they make their own (or we make arrangements in advance, not when we’re running out the door) or they buy their lunch.

IME with my oldest, by “saving” him all the time, we made him a lazy student and kept him from learning some lessons that would have been a lot less traumatic in elementary school than they turned out to be in high school– where they kept him from getting some scholarships. I haven’t found that by not having something signed or checks written that the kids necessarily “suffer” or that their ability to learn will be compromised. I think that more likely they can learn a valuable lesson in responsibility. Sure it sucks to miss a field trip or stay inside for recess because you forgot to get your planner signed, but in the long run, it lets the child take some ownership in their education.

Francie Says:
September 14th, 2008 at 1:47 pm

Thanks. I’m definitely convinced I need to start making them more responsible. The only thing that bugs me is when she forgets her homework or doesn’t bring in the supplies that I bought, the teacher sends a note home addressed to ME telling me, “Please make sure your child has this with her tomorrow.” So even if she forgets, I have to step in and save her or the school chastises me (I’ve gotten those notes.)

I think the trick is, as you say, to bite the bullet and let my child stumble until she takes responsibility for herself where it’s appropriate for her age.

Ella Says:
September 15th, 2008 at 9:38 pm

I hate it when the school is giving the parents a homework grade. C’mon– that’s just not fair nor appropriate. I go into every new school year with the following info for my kid’s teacher:
“We believer HW is Mary’s responsibility. We will remind her to do it and bring it in, but if she can’t get it together with all that help, I’m not going to drive it to school. Whatever consequence comes with no HW is fine with us.”

And I agree—between supply lists, HW and fundraisers—school is at the very least, a part-time job.
I have 3 kids at 3 different schools! Ugh!

Ingrid Says:
September 16th, 2008 at 5:24 pm

Francie,
I’m right there with you…I too have gotten notes addressed to me because for now it is OUR responsiblity to check and make certain that 1. the homework is properly completed and 2. that it is turned in when due.

I’ve tried to let go but it kills me when I think of it affected their grades. We’ll see……I’m keeping my fingers crossed and hoping it all works out!
~ingrid

Judy Says:
September 19th, 2008 at 1:11 pm

Ugh it sounds just like my days except I have to pick them up from school and take them to karate/skating/dance etc!!!I am constantly asking my Mom if she was that busy when we were kids!

kathryn Says:
September 19th, 2008 at 5:59 pm

Yes, there is a lot for parents to do in regards to school; however, that’s part of being a parent and having children. As a teacher, our duties have probably increased five or six times in the past 5 years also. We aren’t responsible for making sure that two or three children have stuff ready to come to school the next day, instead, we’re responsible for making sure that 20-25 children have stuff ready to come home every day. In addition to that, we have to make sure detailed weekly newsletters, lesson plans, behavior reports, and the list goes on and on are in. Oh year, and then there’s teaching too! As a teacher, we also spend unsurmountable ammounts of money on additional supplies that parents are never asked to supply so children can be more engaged in learning. Before you write about giving teachers bubble bath, think about what it might be like on the other side.

Francie Says:
September 20th, 2008 at 6:52 am

Thanks for sharing a teacher’s point of view. I don’t blame the teachers. I blame the school district and school funding. I know the teacher is not sending home fundraising kits the SECOND day of school. I know the teacher is not responsible for pulling my daughters out of math class so they can be told that they can WIN A WII just by selling 500 boxes of candy. (It’s my job to bring them back to reality when they get home.) I know it’s not the teacher’s fault that you have to buy additional supplies. That’s messed up school funding. BUT I will say that this is in ADDITION to my full time job as opposed to my full time job. It’s tough on everyone, but my workload easily *quadruples* when summer vacation is over. And bear in mind, that with just two children in PUBLIC school, the required school fees and supplies have added up to over $600 in two months alone! Something’s got to give.

Kara Says:
September 22nd, 2008 at 6:48 pm

<> Now that I’ve seen the teacher’s perspective misspelled and horribly written, I may have to give a second thought to homeschool. “Unsurmountable ammounts?” Please Kathryn, tell me you’re teaching something like art or PE.

aimee Says:
September 24th, 2008 at 7:40 pm

@Kara: I noticed Kathryn’s spelling mistake as well (and I’m a MUSIC teacher) but let’s not make start the homeschool/public school debate based on one woman’s comment on a cooking blog.

Julie Says:
September 25th, 2008 at 8:38 pm

Oh my gosh, I so totally agree! I’d like to take the 5 pounds of papers each kid brings home every night and have a bonfire in the school playground.
My son’s teacher sent a note home she wanted 2 green apples sent to school. I make a special trip and scrape up change to buy them. He comes home next day…apples still in backpack. (he’s autistic and doesn’t think to say “hey mrs. teacher, I’ve got apples for you”)
Next week, same darned note. I send the same darned apples. Next day…still in backpack! I really wanted to drive up there and stick them where the sun don’t shine.

Anyway, like you said, I really don’t think it was like that for parents when I was a kid. I guess times have change.

Roxie Says:
September 26th, 2008 at 8:38 pm

Unfortunately, as hilarious as it was for me to read and then reread to my 22 year old daughter, I TOTALLY relate. Yes, those days are behind me, but I think it started around the time my kids were young. One school year, I actually had to read every book my daughter did and then write a summary in her notebook! I went to school and told the teacher I already graduated from school and did not wish to attend elementary school a second time. I understand that times have changed and I totally believe in being responsible, but, I pay school taxes, for a school district that didn’t have a high school the entire time my children went to HS. One daughter went over the state line to OH and the other daughter to a school district in state that never acknowledged them right. Now we have a performing arts school that was told by the governor that the town’s children were to go to HS there and they are so coddled its ridiculous. People my age (50) and older and those who are about 15 yrs younger are not stupid, have made advances in medicine and research, have even worked on the patriot missile (someone actually from my HS and a graduating class of 65 kids), and we didn’t have half the “opportunities” that kids have today that burden parents and grandparents. Sometimes I think we need to just let our kids be kids again. Childhood is gone so fast and we have plenty of time in our adulthood for the “opportunities.” I have a sister-in-law and her daughter, my niece, who are both elementary school teachers, and I do hear the other side of this story. I think this country is so into throwing so many things at our children that there is nothing left to look forward to. Parents pay for so many extras instead of our children just getting a rock solid foundational education. I don’t know about you, but they made our kids work so hard in elementary school doing NUMEROUS papers and homework assignments to turn around and have high school be a light workload and practically not challenging. The level and amount of work is not carried thru in the older grades and even in a lot of colleges. Our kids our “working hard” at a time when they should be playing and “playing” when they should be working hard for their futures. Geez, didn’t mean to say so much. Guess this hit more of a nerve than I thought!

Francie Says:
September 27th, 2008 at 6:49 am

@ Roxie, I totally agree that it’s a tough time for kids. I know the No Child Left Behind is a controversial program and that’s adding a lot of work on teachers. School funding is broken, and we have to rob Peter to pay Paul. Under the current system, no matter how you slice it, some kids will be shortchanged.

Our school district has over 1/4 of the children speaking 12 different languages. They enter kindergarten speaking virtually no English. By law, the district must hire ESL teachers for these students to learn English at school. To pay for this, our district had to cut spending on other areas not required by law such as gifted programs, music and arts. My 6th grade daughter is now repeating the same math she learned in 4th grade because her gifted program was cut. She’s terribly bored and begging to be homeschooled. (Sadly, this is not an option as I had to take on a new job to help pay for gas and groceries in this recession.)

So where do we cut? ESL? Special needs? Gifted programs? Arts? Sports? Two years ago, our school district threatened to cut all sports programs to save the district from going into state-takeover. I’ve never attended a school meeting with more vitriol and threats! Parents were spitting and swearing at one another over whether Susie’s softball program should exist. In this economy, no one wants to pay more taxes, but no one wants anything cut.

I honestly wish I had answers. It’s really a sad state of affairs and our kids are suffering.

holly Says:
December 29th, 2008 at 11:44 am

I am not a parent but a young aunt. I have seen all the things you ladies and gentlemen have disscussed on this blog. I agree that parents should give the kids more responsibility for their own work. I recall only two times my busy mother helped me with my homework beyond kindergarten. I constantly forgot to turn in permission and the like, and suffered the consequences. When i forgot homework and got zeroes on them I received stern talk and a firm pop on the rear to remember to never do that again. It pretty much worked. My education did not suffer for it. I recently graduated with a degree in biomedical engineering and I am now in medical school. The responsibility she placed on me made me more responsible and driven to succeed on my own. Now I look at my nephews (who requrie much more help than i did) and i see them overloaded with work. Too many packets with too many pages do by friday on top of the book report and other daily homework. I am overwhelmed by the amount when i help them. I truly beleive it is ridiculous and not necessary. I understand teachers have a lot on their plate. My aunt is a teacher and yet even she agrees that the amount of work some teachers give to students is outrageous. Parents cannot always prioritize or afford all of the petty extras that some (not the word some) teachers require of parents. Some parents have jobs, and homes, and other kids, and afterschool activities, and their own college homework (all in the name of bettering their kids lives), and and and and …. The list goes on. Mom’s just need more help and a little more respect and sympathy.

Larry C. McKenna Says:
December 1st, 2009 at 6:29 pm

I have got trouble with your page clearly via the newest version of Opera. Looks fine in Explorer 7 and Firefox however.

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Betsy Says:
September 11th, 2008 at 9:42 am
I know what will make your job easier…homeschool!

I promise you, you won’t regret it (and you CAN do it!)
Janine Says:
September 11th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Glad to know I’m not the only one who feels this way. I laughed outloud and sadly completely, understand, even the husband part!

I forgot how much change to send with my second grader so I sent him with a whole bag of change and told him to bring home the rest.

Are the white socks for whiteboard erasing? We had to send in one white sock and I didn’t want to send in an old one so I sent a new one so I already have one without a pair!
Audrey Says:
September 11th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Ditto, Betsy! My kids school is a job for me, but that’s because I homeschool so I never have to deal with all of that kind of bureaucracy.
Francie Says:
September 11th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Well, I’ve thought about homeschooling but my husband is not on board. It’s not an option for me.
Francie Says:
September 11th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Yep. Whiteboard erasing. Except I’m too ashamed to send one of our old unmatched socks (yes I have those…don’t ask why) because I don’t have any without holes. Not that this should matter…but to a Mom, it’s reflection on us, isn’t it?!!!
swales Says:
September 12th, 2008 at 8:45 am
Your afterschool adventures are replayed in my house everyday, even though my husband stays home, and I work outside the home. When I ask him why all things urgent and non-urgent wait until I walk through the door, his response is “Well, you’re the Mom”. Now while I am grateful we can have a parent at home, it is my husband, which is not at all like having a wife at home…know what I mean?
Kathy Says:
September 12th, 2008 at 10:29 am
I’ve found that the key to me feeling less overwhelmed is giving my kids more responsibility. Since first grade they’ve had responsibility for making their own breakfast, lunch (or they can buy it at school), getting homework done, getting me to sign any papers as needed and getting to bed at a reasonable time. They’ve certainly made mistakes along the way but they quickly learn from those mistakes.
Ben Says:
September 12th, 2008 at 11:41 am
And that is why I have a cat instead of kids! LOL I am sorry to hear all that and that you pretty much have to do everything yourself. I have never agreed with that “wife takes care of the house and kids while husband watches TV” mentality. But what do I know? I’ll never be a wife
kellypea Says:
September 12th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
I could list the classic lines in this hilarious rant, but there are sooooo many. Bubble bath for the teacher? BWhahahahahaha! Her saying she’s not responsible for your kids after school activities? Grrrrrr….that’s just common decency. I did it for parents when I taught.

As far as us going through all of it is concerned, we’re down to the wire. One left in his junior year. Responsibility growing, so I’m more of a tape recorder that confirms things he is supposed to be taking care of…But I feel your pain.
Francie Says:
September 12th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
Yes, my kids should have more responsibility. I’m having a hard time letting them forget their lunch, homework, forms, etc. because I get a phone call from the teacher asking WHY everything is missing. So it all comes down to mom no matter how you slice it.
Ginger Says:
September 12th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Tell your husband to get off his lazy butt and help you with all that stuff!!
Toontz Says:
September 12th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Hmmm, yes, I have had days like that. But now I am older and wiser. When my seventh grader came to me last night because she could not find her gym shirt (she has had all summer to look for it) I didn’t even get up from my chair. “Well, you better find it” was all I said (and did). Low and behold-she found it in with her pajamas! Go figure! When my freshman told me she needed a yellow binder (yellow?) because the French teacher demanded it, I told her to get her father to take her to one store (I am not going to waste gas to go to twenty stores to find a yellow binder). The store didn’t have it-too bad-we made our own with yellow construction paper. But I admit, I ran myself ragged when the kids were younger. It will get better, I promise. You have to start training them now, though. Say “No” a few times when they come to you at the last minute needing things for school, and maybe they will give you a few days heads up on things…we can only hope!
Ingrid Says:
September 12th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
Ha! I feel your pain. I can totally relate! I have three of my own. 12 yr old Twin boys and a 9 yr old daughter. One of the Twins is abnormally organized, tidy, and self motivated…to the point of being annoying. (very bad when son is more on point than the parent!) The other Twin has no sense of urgency. My youngest only shows urgency when it’s the 11th hour!

I know I do some of this to myself trying to be super Mom but as you said its very hard to just let them go hungry or forget their things. (there is a lot of hollerin’ that goes on in my house!) At this age it’s still a reflection of you.

Thanks for another great post! I really enjoy reading your blog!
~ingrid
Francie Says:
September 13th, 2008 at 6:09 am
Yes, it’s a Catch 22 at this age. I have no problem in letting the kids forget their lunch (they won’t die from one skipped lunch and they’ll learn to remember it), but the rest is another story.

If I don’t have forms signed, homework checked, school supplies purchased, checks written and miscellaneous supplies donated, then their ability to learn will be compromised which defeats the purpose of school. If I don’t do the nightly “Parent Homework” assignments that come home in the special folder, my kids suffer. Funny, though, I don’t remember giving my Dad “Parent Homework.” Are schools more demanding or am I just forgetting what it was like? I firmly believe in (and practice!) parental involvement in schools, but some of this stuff seems to be a bit over the top in what’s required.
teresa Says:
September 14th, 2008 at 7:40 am
I know! It’s ridiculous. I have two in elementary, one in middle school and one away at college and it always amazes me how much more stuff the parents *have* to do than just 10 years ago.

Things got a lot better around here when “Lack of preparation on your part DOES NOT constitute an emergency on my part” became my mantra. I *rarely* run out at the last minute to buy something that my kids have known they needed for days but only mentioned the night before they actually have to have it. I pretty much won’t stay up later than usually to do things like make cookies or do laundry for the same reason either.I do help the first grader make her lunch but with the older kids, they make their own (or we make arrangements in advance, not when we’re running out the door) or they buy their lunch.

IME with my oldest, by “saving” him all the time, we made him a lazy student and kept him from learning some lessons that would have been a lot less traumatic in elementary school than they turned out to be in high school– where they kept him from getting some scholarships. I haven’t found that by not having something signed or checks written that the kids necessarily “suffer” or that their ability to learn will be compromised. I think that more likely they can learn a valuable lesson in responsibility. Sure it sucks to miss a field trip or stay inside for recess because you forgot to get your planner signed, but in the long run, it lets the child take some ownership in their education.
Francie Says:
September 14th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Thanks. I’m definitely convinced I need to start making them more responsible. The only thing that bugs me is when she forgets her homework or doesn’t bring in the supplies that I bought, the teacher sends a note home addressed to ME telling me, “Please make sure your child has this with her tomorrow.” So even if she forgets, I have to step in and save her or the school chastises me (I’ve gotten those notes.)

I think the trick is, as you say, to bite the bullet and let my child stumble until she takes responsibility for herself where it’s appropriate for her age.
Ella Says:
September 15th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
I hate it when the school is giving the parents a homework grade. C’mon– that’s just not fair nor appropriate. I go into every new school year with the following info for my kid’s teacher:
“We believer HW is Mary’s responsibility. We will remind her to do it and bring it in, but if she can’t get it together with all that help, I’m not going to drive it to school. Whatever consequence comes with no HW is fine with us.”

And I agree—between supply lists, HW and fundraisers—school is at the very least, a part-time job.
I have 3 kids at 3 different schools! Ugh!
Ingrid Says:
September 16th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
Francie,
I’m right there with you…I too have gotten notes addressed to me because for now it is OUR responsiblity to check and make certain that 1. the homework is properly completed and 2. that it is turned in when due.

I’ve tried to let go but it kills me when I think of it affected their grades. We’ll see……I’m keeping my fingers crossed and hoping it all works out!
~ingrid
Judy Says:
September 19th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Ugh it sounds just like my days except I have to pick them up from school and take them to karate/skating/dance etc!!!I am constantly asking my Mom if she was that busy when we were kids!
kathryn Says:
September 19th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Yes, there is a lot for parents to do in regards to school; however, that’s part of being a parent and having children. As a teacher, our duties have probably increased five or six times in the past 5 years also. We aren’t responsible for making sure that two or three children have stuff ready to come to school the next day, instead, we’re responsible for making sure that 20-25 children have stuff ready to come home every day. In addition to that, we have to make sure detailed weekly newsletters, lesson plans, behavior reports, and the list goes on and on are in. Oh year, and then there’s teaching too! As a teacher, we also spend unsurmountable ammounts of money on additional supplies that parents are never asked to supply so children can be more engaged in learning. Before you write about giving teachers bubble bath, think about what it might be like on the other side.
Francie Says:
September 20th, 2008 at 6:52 am
Thanks for sharing a teacher’s point of view. I don’t blame the teachers. I blame the school district and school funding. I know the teacher is not sending home fundraising kits the SECOND day of school. I know the teacher is not responsible for pulling my daughters out of math class so they can be told that they can WIN A WII just by selling 500 boxes of candy. (It’s my job to bring them back to reality when they get home.) I know it’s not the teacher’s fault that you have to buy additional supplies. That’s messed up school funding. BUT I will say that this is in ADDITION to my full time job as opposed to my full time job. It’s tough on everyone, but my workload easily *quadruples* when summer vacation is over. And bear in mind, that with just two children in PUBLIC school, the required school fees and supplies have added up to over $600 in two months alone! Something’s got to give.
Kara Says:
September 22nd, 2008 at 6:48 pm
<> Now that I’ve seen the teacher’s perspective misspelled and horribly written, I may have to give a second thought to homeschool. “Unsurmountable ammounts?” Please Kathryn, tell me you’re teaching something like art or PE.
aimee Says:
September 24th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
@Kara: I noticed Kathryn’s spelling mistake as well (and I’m a MUSIC teacher) but let’s not make start the homeschool/public school debate based on one woman’s comment on a cooking blog.
Julie Says:
September 25th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Oh my gosh, I so totally agree! I’d like to take the 5 pounds of papers each kid brings home every night and have a bonfire in the school playground.
My son’s teacher sent a note home she wanted 2 green apples sent to school. I make a special trip and scrape up change to buy them. He comes home next day…apples still in backpack. (he’s autistic and doesn’t think to say “hey mrs. teacher, I’ve got apples for you”)
Next week, same darned note. I send the same darned apples. Next day…still in backpack! I really wanted to drive up there and stick them where the sun don’t shine.

Anyway, like you said, I really don’t think it was like that for parents when I was a kid. I guess times have change.
Roxie Says:
September 26th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Unfortunately, as hilarious as it was for me to read and then reread to my 22 year old daughter, I TOTALLY relate. Yes, those days are behind me, but I think it started around the time my kids were young. One school year, I actually had to read every book my daughter did and then write a summary in her notebook! I went to school and told the teacher I already graduated from school and did not wish to attend elementary school a second time. I understand that times have changed and I totally believe in being responsible, but, I pay school taxes, for a school district that didn’t have a high school the entire time my children went to HS. One daughter went over the state line to OH and the other daughter to a school district in state that never acknowledged them right. Now we have a performing arts school that was told by the governor that the town’s children were to go to HS there and they are so coddled its ridiculous. People my age (50) and older and those who are about 15 yrs younger are not stupid, have made advances in medicine and research, have even worked on the patriot missile (someone actually from my HS and a graduating class of 65 kids), and we didn’t have half the “opportunities” that kids have today that burden parents and grandparents. Sometimes I think we need to just let our kids be kids again. Childhood is gone so fast and we have plenty of time in our adulthood for the “opportunities.” I have a sister-in-law and her daughter, my niece, who are both elementary school teachers, and I do hear the other side of this story. I think this country is so into throwing so many things at our children that there is nothing left to look forward to. Parents pay for so many extras instead of our children just getting a rock solid foundational education. I don’t know about you, but they made our kids work so hard in elementary school doing NUMEROUS papers and homework assignments to turn around and have high school be a light workload and practically not challenging. The level and amount of work is not carried thru in the older grades and even in a lot of colleges. Our kids our “working hard” at a time when they should be playing and “playing” when they should be working hard for their futures. Geez, didn’t mean to say so much. Guess this hit more of a nerve than I thought!
Francie Says:
September 27th, 2008 at 6:49 am
@ Roxie, I totally agree that it’s a tough time for kids. I know the No Child Left Behind is a controversial program and that’s adding a lot of work on teachers. School funding is broken, and we have to rob Peter to pay Paul. Under the current system, no matter how you slice it, some kids will be shortchanged.

Our school district has over 1/4 of the children speaking 12 different languages. They enter kindergarten speaking virtually no English. By law, the district must hire ESL teachers for these students to learn English at school. To pay for this, our district had to cut spending on other areas not required by law such as gifted programs, music and arts. My 6th grade daughter is now repeating the same math she learned in 4th grade because her gifted program was cut. She’s terribly bored and begging to be homeschooled. (Sadly, this is not an option as I had to take on a new job to help pay for gas and groceries in this recession.)

So where do we cut? ESL? Special needs? Gifted programs? Arts? Sports? Two years ago, our school district threatened to cut all sports programs to save the district from going into state-takeover. I’ve never attended a school meeting with more vitriol and threats! Parents were spitting and swearing at one another over whether Susie’s softball program should exist. In this economy, no one wants to pay more taxes, but no one wants anything cut.

I honestly wish I had answers. It’s really a sad state of affairs and our kids are suffering.
holly Says:
December 29th, 2008 at 11:44 am
I am not a parent but a young aunt. I have seen all the things you ladies and gentlemen have disscussed on this blog. I agree that parents should give the kids more responsibility for their own work. I recall only two times my busy mother helped me with my homework beyond kindergarten. I constantly forgot to turn in permission and the like, and suffered the consequences. When i forgot homework and got zeroes on them I received stern talk and a firm pop on the rear to remember to never do that again. It pretty much worked. My education did not suffer for it. I recently graduated with a degree in biomedical engineering and I am now in medical school. The responsibility she placed on me made me more responsible and driven to succeed on my own. Now I look at my nephews (who requrie much more help than i did) and i see them overloaded with work. Too many packets with too many pages do by friday on top of the book report and other daily homework. I am overwhelmed by the amount when i help them. I truly beleive it is ridiculous and not necessary. I understand teachers have a lot on their plate. My aunt is a teacher and yet even she agrees that the amount of work some teachers give to students is outrageous. Parents cannot always prioritize or afford all of the petty extras that some (not the word some) teachers require of parents. Some parents have jobs, and homes, and other kids, and afterschool activities, and their own college homework (all in the name of bettering their kids lives), and and and and …. The list goes on. Mom’s just need more help and a little more respect and sympathy.
Larry C. McKenna Says:
December 1st, 2009 at 6:29 pm
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